Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Everything Changes

These few weeks really quite disappointed with what happened. Seems like everything change. The most obvious is human attitude. The person that I knew for 4 years plus totally change after study here. What are the reasons behind? I really wish that I knew what happens. After listen to Kai Wee and Hui Xiang advise, I realise that every human being will change. I should accept that fact as I will change too. Yes, I change a lot. My emotional become unstable compare to the moment where I study at TARC. Sometimes, I need to put a fake smile in front of my friends to hide my sadness and disappointment. I realise that friendship that being created for almost more than 4 years will fade away soon. I really sad with what happen but what can I do? All I can do just let it be. How I wish all my ji mui was by my side? At here, there is no one I can talk to even my own family members. I know it's sound silly as family members are the closest person to me but I really don't want them to worry about me. During study at TARC, I will talk with my ji mui especially Kai Wee, Jenny and purplefish about my problems. I don't know why when with them, I feel comfortable to talk with. I really miss them.

Today, when I went window shopping with Kai Xin, I told her that many things to worry about. Sometimes I just don't understand why should I worry so many things. I'm such a foolish and idiot. I keep telling myself "Diana, don't think too much. Concentrate on the study and get better result for my parents". However, I failed to do so. I keep thinking thinking and thinking. There is a moment where I forget to have my dinner and even my lunch on the next day. It's really foolish of me. But what to do, I had stupid brain that keep thinking of stupid things. Life is really hard. I even cry few times but the most probably scary moment was I cried without knowing the reason why. There is one night where I about to sleep, suddenly my tears drop and I start to cry. That moment, I try to figure out what happened by the way.

Assignments assignments, it's making my life miserable and horrible. I really hate assignments. Somemore writing reflective is like commit suicide. I hate that subject but I being forced and pretend that I like that subjects. I never study till 7 am until I met reflective writing. I really miss TAR College especially the library. There is so many things that I like to mention but due to private and confidential, I just "save" in my heart. Haiz, life life life...Hope tomorrow will be a better day. Thanks Kai Xin aka Happy for cheering me up. :D

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